Downward Spiral
by Chibi Rose Angel
Summary: Her time of reckoning has come and now it consumes her... Body, mind and soul...
1. Chapter 1

Downward Spiral

_**Author's Notes**_: I know most of you are probably thinking or saying, I thought Chibi quit writing! I did indeed quit writing because I wanted to sort out some things in my life but now that I've made decent progress concerning certain aspects of my life, I feel as though it's perfectly all right if I come back to the writing world. This latest piece that I've concocted is a poem that focuses sorely on the behavior of Karai in season four after she assumes the position of Shredder. I do have plans of making a follow up to this poem though but for now, I must warn you… My writing skills are a bit rusty so please do forgive any errors or discrepancies you might encounter. Enjoy!

Darkness…

It is something that I am quite familiar with.

Its gnarled and crushed hands have always had an iron grip on me.

Choking, squeezing and suffocating the light out of me until I became nothing more than a tainted weapon…

Something to be used only when there was no other way to win…

A tool used for bloodshed or rather an instrument of destruction is what I am…

For as long as I could remember, that overwhelmingly powerful presence has always lied dormant within me…

And I tried so desperately, so valiantly, to lock it away within the deepest and furthest recesses of my heart…

Try as I might to rid myself of the darkness though, it was always with me every step of the way.

Haunting and taunting me no matter where I went or what I did…

During the night when I could not sleep, it was always there…

Gently embracing me within its heavy and thick cocoon of despair…

And when I found myself unable to train or meditate, its presence would be made known in hopes that I would finally acknowledge what I refused to believe…

When I could not control myself during battle or restrain the anguish… the feelings of anger, guilt and hatred…

When I knew I should have retreated but chose to fight on…

And now I fear, it threatens to take away the very essence of my humanity…

Am I not stronger than this?

Was I not raised within the shadows?

Yet I cower and quiver in fear when the light disappears…

For when it disappears, that is when I am most vulnerable…

It is when the bloodlust within me rises and takes control…

And I can feel the last vestiges of my heart, screaming and crying for redemption…

Begging and pleading for some sort of release from this pain…

But who can help me?

Who would be willing to help such an utterly pathetic wretch such as myself?

And as the silence greets my ears, I know that the answer is simple.

For no one, be it man, woman or child would willingly try to help me defeat this…

I do not have the strength left to fight these demons…

The very obstacles and challenges I fought so hard to avoid…

The small difference that separated me from the both of them is gone…

For now I fear the darkness has grown too strong…

It controls my every action, thought, or gesture…

Yes, I have allowed myself to become a corrupted, damned and tormented soul…

Despite how much it hurts…

No matter how much it will kill me inside…

I will have what I so very much long for…

Revenge…


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Notes: _**And here I am with the follow up just like I promised! With this particular poem, this is my take on how I think Karai would feel after Leonardo defeated her when he got back from training with the Ancient One. I'm not sure which poem I like better but I'm proud of both especially since my writing skills are still a bit rusty. Yes, I thought I could have done better with both but overall, I'm satisfied with the final results. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of writing though so please do forgive any errors or discrepancies you might encounter. Enjoy!

**_Disclaimer_**: I don't own anything TMNT related. Please don't sue.

Light…

It is something that I never associated with myself.

Not even its shining brilliance could cleanse me of the countless sins that marred my soul.

The clear rays of illumination did nothing to remove the blood from my vision…

Nothing to help set me on the correct path…

No, light is something that has always been out of my grasp…

And even though I could see and feel the warmth, I was never allowed to take hold of it with my own two hands…

Despite my best efforts, time and time again, the refuge that I always sought eluded me…

Like a husband toying with his mistress, it was never mine's to begin with…

And it pained me so much not to be able to embrace my redemption…

To be constantly denied the salvation and freedom I so rightly deserved…

But then my honor and pride came first…

There was no room for weakness…

Doubts and insecurities were not to be tolerated at all…

And yet a small part of me needed…wanted to**_ believe _**that even someone like me could be saved…

That the last vestiges of my humanity really could be preserved…

The terrible and horrible crimes I committed could be forgiven…

Perhaps I could even seek penance…

But how would I ever make atonement for all the wrongs that I have done…

Who would possibly reach down into the darkness and save me…

Who could ever be able to look past their ill feelings towards me...

No one…

And as I sit here alone, wishing for a different outcome…

I have no one to blame but myself…

I should have known better…

Known that the moment I chose to walk down this bloody path of vengeance…

That it would be a lonely and difficult journey…

I could have…**_should_** have…abandoned his ways when I had the chance…

And yet I willingly chose to follow him even though he was gone…

I chose to continue carrying out his plans never knowing the absolute misery and agony it would bring…

So in a way, I suppose this is what I deserve…

Because for all my efforts and struggles, I have proven that I am no better than he…

That there is truly no place left me…

And now I can't help thinking of what you would say if you were here…

If you could bear witness to the shame and dishonor I have brought upon you…

I know exactly what you would say…

Useless…


End file.
